For My Mother

Read Time:4 Minute, 42 Second

Thought I would leave this video here as well

Never thought we’d be here, but with your duah you had two miracle babies, the doctors never believed you would have. When we came into this world, the doctors looked upon our ‘perfect’ little faces and said that we are a gift to you from above, baby angel 👼 as you remembered. But I wish I could have corrected him, you are a gift to us, thousand times over. I know sometimes I annoy you because I watch you while you do the simple things in your day to day. But listening to the thousands of stories you tell and l living through the things you have, I don’t think you see your own magic…

You often criticize the way look or the way you do things but I could never be more proud to call you my mother I always tell you how much I admire your strength but I don’t think you will ever understand how deeply it moves me. Every pain I endure is minuscule in comparison to what you’ve gone through all of these years. And though I know each of us have a different threshold for pain, your strength inspires me and forces me to man-up most times! The amount of people you have helped along your life’s journey and still continue to every day, is something I still dream of living up to. These days we have the world wide web and a dozen apps to keep us connected but your ability to connect with people goes far beyond that.

Your heart is ginormous! I don’t know how you take all that you do with that tiny frame of yours… I try not to fight your growing age, I want to believe that you will outlive me, I make duah for it actually because I couldn’t imagine my days without you. I couldn’t imagine needing to explain my stupid jokes or ideas to anyone else. You have been my best friend and my confidant and my greatest supporter and absolutely everything to me for all the years of my life. No one else listens to my vivid stories and intuitive thoughts or gives me the time of day the way that you do. I never need space from you, I never want space from you. Even though lately you don’t get much or what I say or when you answer without actually hearing what I said. You seem aloof a lot these days like you’re a thousand miles away. You randomly mention things right in the middle of a topic completely unrelated and with all the weird quirks and random comments… I realize that within only a few months … you’re going to be 70!

It’s 00:20 right now and I can see the cracks of light from the beautiful moon from my bed… and as fulfilled as I feel, I also feel shattered. It is with certainty that we cannot live forever. I certainly wouldn’t want that for myself. But it sometimes makes me wonder how you feel about ‘the other side’ or how you truly feel about life. I question you about these things because my mind simply never stops to wonder about absolutely everything. I want to know if you’re happy and okay all the time. I want to know if you’re feeling fulfilled or if there is something you wish you could do. I want to know if there’s a place you wish to see or someone you wish to meet. I am thoroughly obsessed with you and every atom of your existence! I adore you more than I can express which is kinda why I’m laying here writing this. Nobody in this world has ever made me feel more worthy and loved and important, as you do. I wish I could tie my soul to yours so that we will always be as we are, inseparable and never without each other. I truly believed that I was put here for you, that my very purpose was to be here for you… yet somehow you feel like you put my life on hold but nothing else makes sense to me. But our bond. I also realize that there are things you might not like or want to do but you sacrifice and put yourself second to anyone else. You are so selfless that I think you forget what you’d actually like or want from this life. Time passing by isn’t something that worries me, it’s kinda like we level up with each lesson we learn along the way, but time also ticks away the days of our lives. I always want you with me… please may I simply have that? I haven’t really planned past you… you’re always making comments about medaling that, reminding me that you’re not always going to by here, but there is a numbness that I feel… and emptiness that I can’t seem to see past. I guess one day I will just have to face it… deal with it using the strength you’ve taught me. I wouldn’t have a choice. Surprisingly enough, I made this video to celebrate your life, to celebrate the incredible being you are!

To let you know just how much you mean to me… but even after everything I’ve said, I realize that expressing your magic in totality…is just impossible. It was worth a try.

I love you